My next truth: I constantly feel inadequate. I will never be as _______ as that person. I will never be a good enough _________ for this person.
This summer, I went through a whirlwind of emotions. I was hurt by myself, by others, and it seemed like I couldn’t function without thinking of the pain I was going through. It was a time that I doubted everything about myself and compared myself to everybody, and to be honest, I’m still coming out of it. It’s a daily struggle to admit to myself exactly how I’m feeling.
I feel empty sometimes, like I’m giving pieces of me away and getting nothing in return. I am still finding it very hard to see past the hurt and the pain and focusing on the good things. I want to yell and scream sometimes, but I don’t. I want to break down, cry, and not get up sometimes. I feel unloved sometimes. I ask myself, “Why can this person do this for or with this other person, but not for me? What’s wrong with me? Why don’t they love me enough?” It’s a constant battle to pull myself out of that rabbit hole and tell myself that everything will be okay. If someone else alters our relationship, then that’s just it. They want things to be different, and I have to somehow come to terms with that.
I have to tell myself every day: you are enough. It’s my wallpaper for my laptop, for my phone, and my daily (sometimes hourly) affirmation. It’s an ongoing process of convincing myself that I need to be enough for me and no one else. I need to love me first. It’s hard, but one day, I will be enough.