You can be the most secure person on the planet, but comparison is the killer of all confidence.
Personally, I’ve worked on this for nearly my entire life. I never seem to know or believe where I stand with people. I find it hard to separate someone’s actions from what those actions could mean about me.
And the funny thing is I know that I’m doing it while I’m doing it.
If you choose not to tell me something (something I may even already know), I question myself and what that says about our relationship as opposed to why YOU did what you did.
I’m scared that I don’t mean enough to those around me. I’m scared that I annoy everyone that I hold dear. I’m scared that those I hold dear don’t think well of me. I’m scared that no matter how hard I try, I will always be the second choice. I’m scared that I will always feel inferior. I’m scared.
These are my thoughts, sometimes more active than other times. Some day, I hope to keep these thoughts at bay. I hope to not internalize, personalize or assign meaning. One day.