The One With All The Doubts

You can be the most secure person on the planet, but comparison is the killer of all confidence.

Personally, I’ve worked on this for nearly my entire life. I never seem to know or believe where I stand with people. I find it hard to separate someone’s actions from what those actions could mean about me.

And the funny thing is I know that I’m doing it while I’m doing it.

If you choose not to tell me something (something I may even already know), I question myself and what that says about our relationship as opposed to why YOU did what you did.

I’m scared that I don’t mean enough to those around me. I’m scared that I annoy everyone that I hold dear. I’m scared that those I hold dear don’t think well of me. I’m scared that no matter how hard I try, I will always be the second choice. I’m scared that I will always feel inferior. I’m scared.

These are my thoughts, sometimes more active than other times. Some day, I hope to keep these thoughts at bay. I hope to not internalize, personalize or assign meaning. One day.

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